By the time I headed overseas, she was the head teacher of the largest primary school in Liverpool! My dad was a sales manager. He was as honest as the day is long, generous and could charm anyone. Neither of them were Christians. In fact, none of my relatives – aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins – were Christians.

I became a Christian when I was 15, visiting the Yorkshire Dales. When I returned to Liverpool I knew no other Christians….but that’s another story! My introduction to mission and my call to mission came when, aged 20, I went on a 2-week mission trip to Spain. There I met “ordinary people” doing extraordinary things and there God challenged me to “Go and bear fruit, fruit that will last.” The challenge continued over the next months, with God reminding me that I didn’t choose Him, but He chose me, for a purpose.

My pastor confirmed my calling, saying that he and the church had been praying for someone to go from within the church, to serve overseas. I contacted a mission agency working in an Eye Hospital in Northern Nigeria, since I was by now an almost-qualified Orthoptist. All moving smoothly and rapidly, BUT….

….How would I tell my parents? How would they react?? Previous conversations about faith hadn’t gone well. I cannot forget the time, when talking to my mum about Heaven and Hell, she announced that she would rather go to Hell, since that’s where everyone else she knew would be going!!

Their reaction was pretty much as expected – anger: “You are throwing away your career”; confusion: “Aren’t there people in the UK who need to hear the good news of Jesus – why go overseas?”; concern: “How will you live? Do you know what you are letting yourself in for?”; fear: “What if something bad happens?”

It was a very difficult time for them, and for me. But I knew God was asking me to go and He’d already spoken to me about “losing mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters for His sake”…was this all part of the deal? Maybe I was just being “uncaring”, “pig-headed”, “obstinate”….and other words used to describe me by friends of my parents who felt it was their duty to get involved. 

Looking back now, I think I was naive and didn’t realise what my parents were going through at the thought of losing their child to something they didn’t, or couldn’t, understand.

As time drew near to leaving, they bought me a mosquito net and made sure I knew what to take and my dad even packed my suitcase for me. That must have hurt so much! They drove me to Heathrow for my flight and waved me off at the barrier. I barely dared to look back in case I changed my mind! I was on my way to Nigeria for 2 years – my first time at an airport, let alone my first flight.

Fast forward 17 months, and another message came asking me to phone home. Another 4-hour drive to make a call, this time with the devastating news that dad was critically ill and unlikely to live, “Please come home”… Back in Kano, before flights had been arranged, a radio message was received and I was handed a piece of paper with the words: “…your father died this morning. Your pastor led him to the Lord on Monday night.”

Mum and dad had both become Christians while I was away….but oh such painful circumstances! 

Should I have stayed home? Would they have come to know Jesus if I had?? I don’t know…

Would I advise others with non-Christian parents to do what I did? Probably not….

But I have learned a few things in the years since that time and, I hope, gained a bit more wisdom through life experience. Here are a few thoughts for those who might find themselves in a similar situation:

First, if your family are not Christians and they don’t understand your calling, it’s helpful to remember that they don’t understand because they can’t understand - just as people don’t grasp the gospel until they really grasp the gospel, people who don’t know the Lord won’t be able to fully understand your call. Give them grace in that.

Second, your family love you, and this deep love is the source of any anger or fear they might be expressing. Years after my dad’s death, my sister said to me, “You know what? Dad was proud of you.” That made all the difference. It helped me see that my parents’ reaction was an outflow of love and care for me, however challenging it felt at the time.

Somewhere along the line, it occurred to me that Jesus experienced the same challenges. His family didn’t always understand the work he was doing and even tried to pull him away from his ministry (see John 2:1-4 and Matthew 12:46-50). But somehow, Jesus managed to perfectly balance following the Father’s call on his life with graciously loving his family. Even as he was dying on the cross, he called out to his mum and John, making sure that John would care for her as if she were his own mother. Jesus never stopped caring for his family, but he didn’t necessarily let them dictate what he did.

Jesus was certain of his calling, and we need to be certain of our calling too, especially when our family is not supportive. When I became a Christian at 15, I didn’t know any other Christians and I wasn’t a part of a church. My RE teacher gave me a few books - stories about the persecuted church...Richard Wurmbrand, Brother Andrew, that sort of thing. So right from the start, I believed that to be a Christian meant doing what God wanted you to do, whatever the the cost or the consequence. By the time I went to Nigeria, I had a strong sense that God had clearly asked me to go, and that overrode everything else. So there needs to be a real certainty of God’s calling, but somehow balanced with loving and honouring your family. 

Finally, it’s important to note that every family is different. Sometimes, it’s important to go no matter what. Sometimes, it’s important to stay home until your family can support you in your call. Either way, there will be consequences. Ultimately, the decision whether to stay or to go is yours alone. But be sure you make that decision with lots of prayer, wisdom from the Word, and the godly counsel of your church community.

In the end, this is just my story. Each of us needs to write our own story, trusting God to lead us even if the path is hard. 

* Janet and her family spent several decades in service to the Lord in a variety of African nations. She and her husband Dave now serve as part of Pioneers' member care team.